The first time drinking alcohol is always an interesting experience. We’re not too fond of the taste, right? Whether your drink of choice is whiskey, rum, beer, or whatever, it tends to grow on you eventually. You may even learn to love the taste. However, some drinks, even in the most desperate of situations, can leave a lingering foul taste you just can’t shake. Here’s some of the grossest alcohol you could possibly get your hands on.
WARNING: Seriously disgusting content ahead. Going into writing this, we did NOT anticipate how nasty this would be.
The Grossest Alcoholic Beverages
1. Malort
Quite possibly the mildest on this list (but it’s still here for good reason), Jeppson’s Malort is the Chicago hipster’s drink of choice. Why? Because no one else will drink it. Imagine drinking a combination of vodka and wormwood, taking the worst qualities of both. That’s Malort, and its selling point is how in-your-face its grossness is. Self-awareness goes a long away, we guess?
What is it with hipsters and gross drinks?
2. Gilpin
Gilpin is a friendly family whiskey…made from the urine of diabetic patients. Yeah, nah. No thanks. We’re good. What they do is take the high-sugar content of diabetic urine and magically turn it into something actually drinkable. Sounds impressively scientific, but yeah, we’re still out. Does the idea of having a sweet pee pee drink sit well with you?
This next drink is so bad, it’s about to start World War 3!
3. The Kim Jong Un Nuclear Bomb
Having absolutely nothing to do with North Korea or the dictator himself, the KJU Nuclear Bomb is a putrid concoction of America’s number one fast food chain, McDonald’s. A handful of McFries, some McBBQ sauce, a McMilk shake, a McApple Pie, a Big Mac and a lot of McVodka puts this amongst the grossest alcohol drinks in the world. We don’t know what they were going for besides the atom bomb theme and being horrible offensive.
Speaking of horribly offensive…
4. Horse Jizz
Despite what the namesake suggests, there are only two ingredients in here, and they’re both perfectly ingestible—on their own. Together, however, we have a disgusting mixture of dairy and alcohol. It’s not even clever like a white russian, it’s just beer and milk. Beer. Milk. Sounds delicious, doesn’t it?
Apparently, it doesn’t taste too great, but neither does this…
5. Tapeworm Shot
The one good thing we can say about this drink is that it doesn’t involve an actual tape worm. Instead, it’s made up of vodka, Tabasco sauce, and a squirt of mayonnaise. Don’t know about you, but mayonnaise isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when making a drink. You could maybe talk us into putting a little Tabasco sauce in a drink, but the thought of slurping down mayo with the already rough shot of vodka…
Don’t worry! It doesn’t get any better.
6. Smoker’s Cough
Excuse us— just gagged a little. Here’s another drink that involves only two ingredients—and again, one of them is mayonnaise. We all have our Jagermeister stories, but how about mixing your Jager with mayonnaise? That’s what we, apparently, call the Smoker’s Cough.
Anything that puts the image of phlegm or spit in our mind is an immediate no-go.
7. Chicha
Human saliva is a crazy thing. It can break down starches and turn them into sugar. It’s actually fascinating! For this gross drink, you chew up corn, and then spit it out and—wait, this is basically just spit.
Apparently, it’s really sour. We don’t care how drunk it’ll get us; we’re not going to touch it. Especially not—and brace yourselves—this…
8. Mice Rice Wine
Think about this for a second: someone a long time ago decided to try this—baby mice, right after they are born, are dropped into a jar of rice wine. Once the wine ferments, you drink the wine, and eat the mice. This is by far the grossest alcohol you can possibly try. Hands down.
As disgusting as that sounds, it won’t kill you. Not like…
9. Tharra
“Tharra” is a bit of an umbrella term for a type of moonshine coming out of India or Pakistan. The process is, of course, very unique to the region. Imagine distilling sugar cane in terra cotta pots buried under cow feces. Apparently, this 180-proof beverage has a very specific sitting time: too long or not long enough, and you’re looking at drinking a very deadly poison. It’s worth the risk, right?
No poison cow dung? Be a little more open-minded. At least it’s not like…
10. Changaa
This super potent Kenyan liquor translates to “kill me quick.” Seriously. The ingredients are crazy: battery acid, fecal matter, jet fuel, and dead animals, just to name a few. (It’s a gang-controlled substance, so it’s highly unregulated.) To say that it’s poison is an understatement, as this stuff is almost guaranteed to make you go blind. Even the worst alcoholic drinks are safer than this.
Yeah, we’re gonna go ahead and pass on these.
Since you were such a champ to sit through all this, how about we tell you about some awesome drink options that aren’t pure poison?
Try Out Some Safe Las Vegas Bars, Maybe?
The grossest alcohol is far away from you. You get to visit some Las Vegas bars where the nastiest booze you can get is just some cheap tequila. How does that sound? These DTLV bars are right along the Vegas Pub Crawler’s usual parade of tomfoolery, so do yourself a favor and check out these pubs and restaurants.